A Challenge

Sandy called me out today in her blog about writing on movies. Ok, I'll do it but first I will babble about myself some more....

I am a storehouse of useless movie trivia. Both of my sisters are too. Actually, I consider myself unworthy of the title compare to either Andrea or Sandy. They can pull some really obscure bits out of god only know where. Whenever Jen and I get back down to Atlanta we hang out with our friends and sometimes play a games called 'Scene It'. It's kind of like Trivial Pursuit but for movies and television. It has a DVD that is sued to show various scenes from thing that you must then answer a question on. I'm not really sure why we play. I've never lost. Hell, I've never even come close to losing. My friends are all very smart. They just don't have a copy of IMDB stuck in their heads.

Truth be told, I would gladly get rid of the knowledge for something useful like understanding the stock market. Meh. At least its useful at parties.

Last night Jen was working late. I was surfing to tube for something to watch and found Big Trouble in Little China playing. It's a moral imperative to watch it whenever it's on, I had beer, and didn't feel like doing anything else.

BTILC is arguably John Carpenter's opus. He's done so many great movies and created so many great characters (most who were played by Kurt Russel). Anyway, BTILC has it all, retarded plot, retarded script, retarded characters and Jack Burton (aka Kurt Russel).

The movie basically centers around a big rig truck driver and his Chinese buddy getting caught up in Chinese magic and Chinese mafia. It's a classic good vs evil or badass vs bigger badass. None of that matters though. This movie is about entertainment. It is nothing but a montage of fun. Fun fights, fun situations and more one liners than you can shake a stick at. Just see the movie if you haven't but don't blame me if you don't like. It's not my fault you're an uncultured swine.

There are many lessons to be learned from this movie. The first one is that the Chinese have a lot of hells. I guess one isn't enough. They have (if I remember correctly), the "Hell of Boiling Oil", "Hell of beign Cut to Pieces", "Hell of Upside Down Sinners", etc. Sheesh, they all sound like they would suck.

The next lesson is when fighting supernatural forces you should have a wizard with you. In this movie they bring along Egg Shen. I think Egg could totally whup Gandlaf. Egg Shen is Chinese and he might be a little reluctant to help out if the problem isn't related to Chinese magic. So, I think the best bet for the non-Chinese would be to bring R. Lee Ermy along. He's the closest thing to a ass kicking wizard outisde of China.

and the final lesson: 'Just remember what ol' Jack Burton does when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Jack Burton just looks that big old storm right in the eye and says, "Give me your best shot. I can take it." '

ALL GLORY TO HYPNOTOAD